I had a talk with Daughter the other day which I didn't enjoy giving but which I thought was important to give her. She does not as yet have the self confidence I wish her to have. She doesn't like being in the limelight and questions her talents even when everyone else acknowledges them.
A recent play date went off brilliantly except when her friend thought that Daughter had let her have the bracelet she let her wear during dress up time. When I found out I let her know that she needed to make amends as I'd just bought it as a gift for her less than a week ago, and it wasn't cheap. In the end, Daughter did manage to hold on to the bracelet but by offering a choice of another bracelet which she told her friend she'd made herself for her. However friend was a bit grumpy after that and demanded some other gifts to make her stop being a grouch.
A week or two later I reflected back and realised that the said friend always was very assertive and demanding (for toys and trinkets) whenever she was over. And we, both me and Daughter had never said no to her. Even when Daughter had managed to salvage precious bracelet on last occasion, she had not done so in a forthright manner. It was lucky for her that said Friend had fallen for the bait for the other bracelet!
I told Daughter that she needed not to be a walk over like I had been until only recently. I admit, I have always found it hard to say no to people even when I knew that they were clearly taking advantage of me, and would never return the favour, judging from their past behaviour. I explained to her about the "survival of the fittest rule" and how most people always followed that rule. Soft people ended up being taken advantage of and victims and hard people went ahead. I know that this may have been a bit too early to break such mean news to her but she needs to beware earlier than I became so. It's hard to teach this old dog (i.e moi) new tricks. The earlier the lesson learnt, the better.
It's only recently that I have started getting a bit tough on "friends". There are "friends" who never ever invite us over when we are in town, and have frankly jumped to stay at our place, wherever we happen to be. There are friends who write for information whenever they need it, but don't bother to write back when I try to get in touch. There are "friends" who don't pick up the phone when I call, with the aid of their smart phones which send me straight to voice mail, but only when they don't need anything from me. And for these "friends" until recently I would move heaven and earth to please them. It's only this year I realised that I need to stop being a walk over. I don't want Daughter to wait as long as I did.
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